I was sitting, thinking about my life... having one of those "is this all there is to life" moments. When it struck me, I completely have made God small. Or basically, I am lacking the faith to believe that God can still do big things. Lately, my prayers have become small, my hopes have become small, my faith has become really small. I think i used to believe that God could do anything. Then somewhere along the way, I have become one acquainted with disappointment. When the things you have hoped for, for so long never seem to come to fruition, you start wondering if they ever will. So your hopes become small and your faith just shrinks. I really want to believe that God can still move mountains, that He can do big things in my life. But i have been so disappointed in the past, I just have stopped asking for God to do anything.
This morning, I was struck by how futile that thinking is. Of course God can still do BIG things, he is the God who parted the Red Sea, collapsed a wall just by having people walk around it and yell really loudly. He is also a God who can send his son to the earth, to die for our sins and then raise him back to life. These aren't small feats.. these are big feats done by a great big God. Of course i am foolish and forget all the big things he already has done in my life. My memory often fails me, until i am reminded of all the times that God has moved mountains in my life, broken down walls and brought me back to life. I forget so easily. But I have become complacent with just settling for small. If you don't get your hopes up for anything big, then you will never be disappointed if it doesn't happen. But then i guess I'm missing out on the longing and expectation and faith that accompanies hope. I read this quote recently, "The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for." ~Allan K. Chalmers
So my goal this week is to believe, to pray and to hope for something big from God. I don't expect it to happen immediately, but I just want to for one week, put aside my small faith and have BIG faith for a little while.
I really love the verse Proverbs 13:12, Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
Most of the time my heart is a bit sick, but i think its time i start holding out for my tree of life.