Saturday, May 3, 2008

It's Unanimous

In my mid-twenties I played a game with a name I can't remember. But I will never forget the moment during that silly board game that changed my life. You see, the object of the game was to learn a little bit more about what your friends think of you. So there were light and simple questions like, "who has the best legs?" and "who has the strongest personality?" You had to do a secret vote. Every person was a color. When the question was asked, you would secretly cast your vote, pulling out the color card of the person with the best legs for instance, and put it in a ballot box. It seemed harmless and silly enough, but every once and awhile we came across a more difficult question to answer. Which brings me to the unanimous vote that changed my life;
"If life is a highway, which one of you got off on the wrong exit?"
The ballot box went around the circle, returning to the questioner, who emptied the cards on the table. There they lay. Clear as day. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. And blue. The irony. I was officially and unanimously off on the wrong exit. Lost. Confused. Possibly forgotten? Funny thing is, I voted for myself too. I knew. I just knew. My dearest and most lovely friends couldn't look me in the eye. The game suddenly became a bit too honest and a lot less fun. When someone starts crying, the game kind of fizzles out. But I couldn't stop the tears no matter how hard I tried because it hit me that I wasn't fooling anyone. My friends loved me no matter what road I was on, I knew that without a doubt. They probably didn't even realize how much I had changed, and how far off my appointed path I had strayed. They meant absolutely no harm. But it was a defining moment for me. This unanimous vote got me thinking about far more than mistakes in vocation or relationships. I suddenly realized that the damaging choices I made in these areas were just symptoms of a deeper issue. I had to start asking the hard questions. How did I get here? When exactly did I exit? Why? Now what?
Being the one who got off on the wrong exit isn't all bad. If not for having done so, I would never have been prepared to live my dream.

I love to write. I started this blog because I want a place to write. I want to write about faith. I want to write about today's Christianity versus the Christianity brought to us by Jesus. I want to write about justice and what it really means to "love our neighbor." I want to write about the love of God and the desire He has for us to live more fully; to live out the passions He alone instilled in us. I want to write about why we're so far from doing that. Why I was so far from doing that.
I want to write about all of this and more because I've made a journey off the "wrong exit" toward a Divine destination. Along the way, I've discovered some of the hidden reasons that brought me to a place of insecurity and disillusionment in the first place.
I know I'm not the only one with my particular reasons for turning on the blinker at the wrong moment and taking a detour. If anything, I want to help someone see that they're okay. Sometimes being in a pit is a part of being in God's love for you. Sometimes it's the only way to see what He really means when He says He loves you. Or what it really means to love other people. If left in a subculture of Christianity, acting as if we're fine, feeling as if we don't fit in anyway, we would not be able to fulfill His purposes. So here we are. The prodigals. The wanderers. The seekers. The thinkers.... Only now, after the "wrong exit," are we able to do more than we ever asked or imagined.

3 comments:

Sabrina said...

Like i emailed you earlier, Im glad you got off on the the wrong exit... it makes you who you are now, and I love this version of you!!! :)
Thank you for sharing your insights! you just might be inspiring a certain somebody to write more herself! THANK YOU!

MidnightCafe said...

Hmmm...I've got a lot of thoughts on this one. I've no idea if this is where you were headed or not, though. I sometimes think that life *is* a highway for so many people. And everybody is just going as fast as they can in the same direction, doing the things they're expected to do. Getting off isn't a bad idea. And sometimes we have to really screw up before we can have the strength and courage to do and be something different. (((hugs))) Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

deb said...

thank you for your kind words on my post.
spending a rare peaceful moment peeking through the " you " that is here.
I am intrigued and inspired , and commend your honesty.
I did a poem a few posts back , called Prodigal Mothers. I guess we all wander a bit , the beginnings, middles, endings , and forever afters all such mystery.

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