"You can in no manner be satisfied with temporal goods, for you were not created to find your rest in them." ~ Thomas à Kempis
"Our work here is brief but its reward is eternal. Do not be disturbed by the clamor of the world, which passes away like a shadow." ~Clare of Assisi
Sometimes I wish I realized these simple things a long time ago. But they really aren't so simple are they? I love the temporal, i lust for the things of the earth. I want, I need, I find comfort in what i can grasp. The fact of the matter is, is that i spend way too much time not just in the world, but of the world. I often lack the faith to believe that someday there will be an eternity waiting for me that is better than this earth. But then again, I often loathe this life. The sadness, sorrow, pain, death, hurt, and all the other evils. Sometimes when i talk with God, I say, Why do you play so many cruel jokes? As if there is the proverbial carrot dangling in front of my face, almost mine, but always just out of my grasp. I live with disappointment, my heart has been broken one too many times and I sometimes don't have a lot of hope. And yet, I still go back for more. Why? because i love the things of the earth. We are called to "fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen" but how do you do that? Faith? Trust? But i like what i see! I like things, and I take comfort in human relationships that may or may not fulfill me. But is it enough? No. That is the crux of the matter. The things of this earth are never enough, never quite fulfilling. I get my fix, but i am never full. The beauty of this mess is that the Lord is still faithful to me, when i am not always faithful to him. His mercies really are new every morning. His love endures forever. I don't know if I will ever reach a place in my life where i will be completely selfless, with no agendas of my own? I wish i knew for certain that everyday I would bear the fruit of the spirit, only say and do kind deeds for others, love wholeheartedly with no reservations. But reality is there will be times when I will want more than i am ready to give and all the pretty little things that entice me will continue to do just that... entice. And I will fail at times... but Thankfully(!) God will never fail me.